Anyway, for those of you that know me, you know one of my biggest pet peeves is people that park in handicapped parking who AREN’T HANDICAPPED!  I’ll start my story from inside the store because that’s where HER asshole’ness started (is that even a word?).

My favorite store in the ENTIRE WORLD (sarcasm):  Walmart.  I’m standing in the express check out line because I only had one item.  The cashier wasn’t around, so the lady (I call her that because it’s the PC way of saying bitch) in front of me starts screaming at the top of her lungs… literally!  Myself and the guy in line behind me take a step backward.  It was scary!  

The cashier finally comes over and rings her up – but not before the lady (wink, wink) demands that that everything be double bagged… separately! Toothpaste in its own bag… double bagged.  Box of bandaids in its own bag… double bagged.

She finally leaves – I move up and pay for my purchase and am on my way!

I get to the parking lot and see the “lady” (another wink, wink) pulling her truck out of handicapped parking.  No placard, nothing on her license plate – and certainly no noticeable handicap.  I shouldn’t have said anything – it was really none of my business – but in a split second, I said to myself “she just screamed at the top of her lungs and berated a Walmart employee who is no doubt making minimum wage”.

And so, like the asshole that I am (at times), I said “ugly isn’t a handicap”.  She immediately hollars “I’m a Marine Corps Vet!!!!!”.  My reply “I’m sorry to hear that.  I’m retired Navy.” (chest swells with pride)  She calls me a LIAR – so I simply show her my Military ID card.  She continues on that ALL VETS have the right to park in handicap parking – no placard required.  Of course I know this to not be true.  I then tell myself that I’ve had enough fun for the day, to wish her a good day, and walk away…. which is exactly what I did.  I actually got an applause from a few folks passing by.  :)

Again – I know I should have left it all alone – but it’s just one of those things that frosts my balls.  If you aren’t handicapped, don’t park in handicapped parking! So what if you have to walk an extra 20 feet.

Have a nice day!

It has to do with parking at public places (i.e. the mall, sporting events, Walmart, etc).  It’s no secret that America is, for the most part, one of the most obese nations in the world – and I’ll bet that PART of that problem is a direct result of our parking habits… yes, I said parking!  

America really has become a lazy country, hasn’t it?  I’m guessing most of you don’t notice – but as my wife will tell you, I’m one anal dude!  I am dumbfounded at the amount of time drivers will waste (not to mention the gas they waste) driving around a public parking area in order to find the closest parking spot!  I’m not talking about elderly people or those with a disability – I’m talking about “the others”.  Seriously, you need to drive around for 20 minutes to find a parking spot that is 75 feet closer to the entrance?  Worse yet, you need to become a lane whore by blocking the entire lane because you “thought” you saw someone getting into their car – and now the rest of us are stuck behind you until someone actually comes out of the store and is ready to leave!  I don’t do it all the time, but if I happen to have a “primo” parking spot and I notice a lane whore, I will put my packages in the trunk, lock the car – and then walk away acting as if I’m returning to the store.  I get an unhealthy joy from seeing their expression.  More so when they pull away and I immediately return to the car and leave.  PRICELESS!

C’mon America – while you are waiting for that “super close” parking spot, there are 300 more that are actually available to you!  Yes, I know – it will require you physically walk an extra 100 feet, but I’m sure if you ask the mall proprietor, they will gladly put in a water station at the 50 foot mark!  What the hell, while you are at it, ask them to put out a few chairs/couches.  If I was the boss, I damn sure would.  Why?  Probably because I wouldn’t want your sweaty ass in my store!

Ok, now  do you believe I’m anal?  :)

All my communication with Carnival Cruise Lines, and especially John Heald (the company “brand admbassador”) have gone unanswered.  God forbid I take up their time when they have more important things to take care of, such as the first time cruiser DEMANDING a table for two so that they don’t have to socialize with anyone – or for the couple celebrating their 18 month wedding anniversary by requesting a FREE bottle of champagne be sent to their room.  Heavens no – I’m just a HUGE FAN of CCL who bought a domain name and put in countless hours, effort, and my own money to build a website PROMOTING THEIR COMPANY!

What company wouldn’t want (and appreciate) this type of FREE publicity?

They are quickly losing my loyalty.

Hang around a poker player for no more than 3 seconds and you will no doubt here about EVERY SINGLE BAD BEAT he/she has had over the past several years!  ”This idiot did this – that idiot did that”.  Trust me, it goes on FOREVER!  Forget about all the times he or she “sucked out” on the river to give their opponent a “bad beat”.  They won’t describe that instance as a bad beat – it was ALL SKILL!  I can’t vouch for the female players, but male poker players, while on a break, will even talk your head off about their bad beats WHILE IN THE BATHROOM STANDING AT THE URINALS!  All too often, while relieving myself, I was tempted to turn towards the guy and say something like “no way!”.  I suppose getting pissed on while babbling about your “bad beat” in the bathroom would be another story for another time.

Bowlers, while not to the extreme of poker players, are similar.  ”I am throwing the perfect ball – but the damn lanes are drying out!”.  ”I knew I should have put 1.5 more revs on that one”.  ”Why don’t these damn scrub bowlers observe the 15 lane clearance on both sides when I’m up?!”.  Of course my favorite is when someone (usually me) throws a “brooklyn” strike (when the ball hits on the wrong side of the head pin – and you still get a strike!).  Some bowlers are SO ABSORBED in themselves that having your opponent throw a “brooklyn” strike is the ultimate slap in the face… not only to themself – but the ENTIRE GAME OF BOWLING itself!  Again, like the poker player that NEVER remembers when they were on the winning side of a bad beat, the self absorbed bowler will NEVER remember EVER throwing a brooklyn strike – they are just too damned good a bowler to throw a brooklyn.  Yea, sure you are… oh wait, didn’t I see you on the PBA tour bowling against Pete… oops, nope – that wasn’t you.

Anyway –  I think I have it figured out.  The majority of bowlers:  Male   The majority of poker players:  Male

Don’t you hate it when testosterone gets in the way?!  :)

Last year, Michelle and I – along with her sister Andrea and brother in law Felix, were having dinner at the Valley View Casino buffet.  Everyone got there plate of food (round 1, of course) and we sat down at our table to enjoy!

Michelle, out of the blue, holds up her glass and announces she wants to make a “toast”.  This, of course, was out of character for her, so I guessed she had something really, really cool to announce!  Yes, I was excited!!  Did she buy me a new bowling ball?  Did she schedule another cruise for us?  Were we going to Las Vegas?  Ohhhh, Craig – you silly little bastard!

“Here’s to Craig and me’s 5th wedding anniversary”.  And to make matters worse, she had a look on her face that said “Yea, I know you forgot – and I’m calling you out on it!”.

I was devastated and, naturally, quite embarrassed.  Nothing I could say or do would forgive the fact that I simply forgot!  Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t “completely” forget.  In fact, I had remembered it was coming up several times throughout the week – but my lame butt FORGOT IT ON THE DAY OF THE EVENT!

March 26th, March 26th, March 26th, March 26th, March 26th, March 26th.  I know I can, I know I can!

Update!  THANK YOU FACEBOOK – where would I be without you?!  

The site has been everything from a tech support site for Ikonboard (forum software, probably defunct by now), to a web hosting site.  Other than when it was a tech support site, it has not drawn much attention – but that’s ok, it’s MINE!  :)

Ok, that was boring.